“Sometimes in my tears I drown, but I never let it get me down”

That is not my line, but I wish it was. It is from a song called “one day”. It’s extremely inspirational in a goodness of humanity sort of way.

I haven’t posted in a couple days. This time though, it was because I have been engaging in life!

In one of my recent posts, I talked about getting rid of toxic relationships. I have a bit of a testimonial for you. I absolutely slammed the door on a LOT of toxic people as I really realized they don’t help me, as much as I wish they would, they Do NOT!! They were hurting me so much and causing me a lot of distress and anguish and was crying in sadness and anger constantly. Well, as I said, I slammed that door on a lot of people in many ways literally, and certainly figuratively. Do you want to know what happened?? Abundance. Abundance happened in so many ways it is almost unbelievable for a person who never thought anyone cared or loved me. My nutritionist took me to a yoga class where I’ve made a wonderful connection with a yoga therapist who healed her own health issues with yoga and nutrition. I gave up on therapy pretty much as I couldn’t seem to get out of my house with any regularity to get to an appointment, and the copay is not really affordable in my current budget. Well, a therapist who I highly respect and admire for his authenticity and general encouraging words he’s given me over the extremely short time I’ve known him agreed to see me via skype on a flexible schedule for free! I told him I would compensate when I’m able. A random woman, who I have a lot of admiration for, is going to drive me to my lumbar puncture that I was sure I was going to have to cancel as no one (well no one toxic) would take me. I ended up with a roommate who is going to be very helpful to me with a compassionate heart. A very old friend who I haven’t seen in 20+ years randomly asked to take me to an amazing concert. The absolute best part (as all this isn’t amazing), my physical health feels just the slightest bit better! My emotional health is definitely better. I drowned in tears today, but instead of tears of intense sadness and anger, they were tears of joy over the abundance that is presenting itself to me.

That is my testimonial. I know it doesn’t make any sense except if you open yourself to love and leave the hate behind, it comes. My heart for the first time feels extremely abundant as I don’t feel alone. I have been surrounded by so many people my entire life, but my loneliness was extreme. The people I was surrounded by didn’t really love me. I didn’t really love me. I am beginning ever so slowly in everyday in every way to love something different about myself.

I will leave you with how an abundant heart that is open to love is changing me. I took my son swimming today. The pool had a diving board. I have always been completely terrified of diving head first off a diving board. Today, I did it, several times, and it was pure joy! I even got to teach my son how to do it! It was fun, and I wasn’t afraid. It’s not quite so scary when you’re not alone.

I encourage you all to dive head first into the pool as you leave fear and hatred behind and make a path to allowing people to know your beautiful soul.

Love

Lizzie

2 thoughts on ““Sometimes in my tears I drown, but I never let it get me down””

  1. Lizzie, I’m so happy for you how you and the universe seem to be doing a dance together. Your heart opens a bit then some one provides a service you need bundled with a lot of love and personal attention. That in turn engenders much gratitude , hope and… your heart opens even further…. then another professional agrees to help you with precisely what you need to continue your healing. Such a contrast to the seemingly no help or options available ….to help just a short time ago. And things we’re pretty bleak then now what a glorious change. ! I have enjoyed being present for you and offering encouragement, and you have filled many of my needs also, dear friend. Let’s explore these dynamics a bit more this week,dear friend

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    1. I appreciate your support more than I can ever express, although I try really hard to! Rejection of what truly hurts me gives me mental space to allow for abundance. People used to say, “don’t let abusers take up space in your head”. It never made much sense until yesterday when I realized the space I was saving for them was truly taking up space for what I needed to fill myself with. It’s not perfect or rosy all the time, but little improvements are what keeps us going!
      And I always look forward to a chat with you!

      Like

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