I will admit this has been a horribly painful week emotionally and physically. I continue to let go of toxic relationships. It turns out to be the best for me, but I have to grieve the loss of who these people are, and I’m grieving the loss of not seeing my son much. As for the physical pain, I had a lumbar puncture Tuesday that was not routine and has left me with more pain than I had before the procedure. I’ve already been to the ER once, and considering going again tomorrow. So just some general yuck!
As I wrote about before, I can be releasing a toxic person, while at the same time a solid relationship I have is contacting me to lift me up and help me through mistakes I’m making. I want to tell you what I told this one friend who gave me a total reframe tonight. She knew I was hurting and BAD, so she gave me an excerpt from an amazing reading and we just chatted helping me to realize I will rise again from all this torment. She had already gone to sleep, but these were my final words to her:
“And you are a true gem in my life that I don’t know what I’d do without. I can be at my lowest of lows, but after any kind of conversation with you, I start to think and then I lift up and rise from my misery. A truly special friend has that ability. I really needed a reframe as it’s been a terribly painful week emotionally and physically. I know if I stay grounded and true to who I am, I will be more than ok every time. As I said, sometimes we get lost on the path and that’s when we look to true friends to give us gentle guidance to get us back on our true track. My circle may be small, but it’s solid and having people appreciate me for who I truly am is a brand new way of being around people. It spoils me as people who are the slightest bit unkind, I just want gone. Perhaps I’ve just learned how I want and deserve to be treated? I hope I offer you as much as you give me. Our friendship is a lifeline in what often seems like a storm. So thank you”
I hope you all have one person or 2 people or more that you can be genuine with. It is the greatest experience of love you will ever feel. I thought I had loving relationships before, but as I realize they are no longer and toss them out of my life, I can appreciate what they gave, and then move past to receive genuine love like I do from this friend. Feeling genuine love is what heals us from our trauma and bad experiences. Feeling unloved doesn’t have to be a life sentence. Just look for the ones who can actually give it to you. They may be found in the most unexpected places, but please find it. I know it’s so stereotypical, but love heals all. Being alone and isolated in depression, fear, and anxiety only perpetuates all those negative feelings. Trust me, I was doing it for several hours today until I decided to reach out. Reaching out has healed me and I can go to sleep knowing I’m loved instead of basking in self hate that I was doing just a few hours ago. So please, if you have no one to genuinely love you, email me. I respond EVERY TIME!!! I love hearing your feedback and I have genuine love for anyone who is on a path to healing no matter how lost, sad, depressed, engaged in self hate, self harm, any of it. If you want wellness even in the slightest way, you are a hero. Email me please. Your emails and comments are what keeps my blog going. I need reassurance too. I’m not perfect and make lots of mistakes in my healing journey, but I want you to know that that’s ok. We will all get there. I promise!