Are you an amazing magician that can disappear when you need to the least? I am! What I mean by this is we have a tendency to disappear and not talk to anyone when we need help the most. Why do we do this? If you have any kind of trauma, our trauma taught us that if we are suffering, there will never be anyone reliable or safe to care for us if we really need help. Unfortunately, these were the times we were taught to go it alone.
I write this as 3 different people in my life have disappeared for a bit. One said something along the lines of not being in a space to talk to anyone. Another said she was going through a hard anti social period, and yet another has just been trained to be alone as a lifelong way of dealing with the world. It makes me terribly sad that my friends go hide by themselves when they hurt the most. What hurts even more, is that I understand why. I feel like no one wants to see me pain. Sometimes, it definitely gets validated that no one wants to see my pain. BUT, the new way of doing things for me IS to reach out. I have different levels of people I can tell what really hurts. I have a friend on the other side of the country that I can tell everything and never overwhelm her. On the other end of the spectrum, I have a person I can contact and just say, “I’m having a bad day. Could you please help me reframe what is good in my life?”
What I have definitely learned is that reaching out, just a tiny bit, helps so much. I may need to cry my huge tears and feel horribly painful emotions for a bit first, but then I do reach out. I let people know my struggles. Having a very very very small circle that walk beside me helps a lot. Thank you to those of you who work so hard at keeping me following the right path to healing.
If you are hurting today and doing a disappearing act, reach out to me. Your emails to me are life saving and life changing to me. I love hearing from you and supporting others the best I can. You can also feel free to comment. (Remember when commenting, you never have to give a real name if you want to stay anonymous. I understand!)