(Feeing sick, but content and peaceful)
I will say there is a certain amount of joy in being chronically ill as well as having complex PTSD. You probably wonder how I could ever find joy. Becoming so horribly and chronically ill has snapped me out of so many of my distortions of living that complex PTSD had forced upon me. For example, my perfectionism got thrown right out the window with chronic illness. When you barely have energy to shower, there is definitely no energy to put on a pretty face and make perfect hair. I like it as I don’t feel like it most of the time anyway!
It also snapped me out of black and white thinking and into a place of taking the middle road. There are no absolutes in life when chronically ill. In fact, the middle road is a the best and most peaceful place.
Chronic illness also taught me that I just don’t care. I care deeply about certain people of course, but I dropped so many people in my life as I realized they just dragged me down and I really don’t care about any of their drama anymore.
I’ve also become “selfish”. I am selfish with my time and energy as there is so little of it left that I get to choose how I use it and who I spend it with. This usually means it is devoted to only the most special people in my life and activities that I want to engage in.
Best part of all?? Retired at 40!!
Anyone find they are breaking old patterns for any reasons?