Bittersweet Times

These are such bittersweet times for me. I’m going on my 3rd night in the hospital without an end in sight. My physical body has just collapsed from such a hard life. I highly recommend the book, “the body keeps the score” by Bessel van der Kolk if you are dealing with PTSD and any kind of chronic illness. He gives an explanation of the connection.

I say bittersweet as I keep feeling so alone, yet a new person sends a message or shows up in person or offers to do something for me that I could never figure out, like help me make medical decisions

You have to understand, I have spent my entire life believing that people are nothing but disappointment and will only leave in the end. My reality is that as I open up to accept people want to help, and I get specific in my needs, the most loving group keep showing up in my life. Not everyone can be everything to you, but having a variety of people means that my needs do get met. Can you imagine that if you ask for what you need very specifically that 9 times out of 10, people come through??!! I never asked for what I needed before, so I got nothing, and then I felt like the world hated me. It wasn’t true. The world didn’t hate me. I hated me.

I don’t know what will happen with my health or if I’ll make it through the major surgery being proposed due to my immune system issues, but all I can do is try to keep my light inside burning a few moments longer.

So bittersweet as it took my being so sick physically to learn true love also equals asking for what you need.

I challenge you today to ask one person for something you need. It can be simple or complex, buy you choose, and I hope they come through!!

Love

Lizzie

2 thoughts on “Bittersweet Times”

  1. Dearest Lizzie, Life is so full of ironies & even seems. Cruel at tmes… or from certain perspectives. Just think, it took all these traumas & dramas, others blaming you for resulting illnesses, claiming you were a terrible person, and you overcome by the onslought , taking it in & accepting it as truth. So many of us in similar situations have done the same not understanding the dynamics. By God’s miracle your fight & faith in yourself was renewed & intensified,…. & in the 5 or 6 mos we have become friends, you renew your writing, started a wonderful blog supporting others, fought for & have Evan in your life. Yet the body indeed keeps the score, & I have watched you have to deal with so much illness, hurricanes of fear & doubt…. yet after emoting you gather your strength & surface again ready to resume the fight. Fight for healthy lifestyle, a life amidst your body’s turmoil,hope for answers & a path out if this…hell. Yet a bit of heaven has been visited upon you with the love of friends making you feel full & & worthy in the midst of your body’s rages. I so pray that your surgeon will offer you a way that will help you strengthen & heal or at least begin to make a journey back to a truer health. And may you achieve a peace on your new path, loving yourself, seeing a bit of beauty with each day, loving Evan, and no matter what love & be nourished by your friends… they & I need you…. and share your insights & wisdom with us all . So many people need it being caught up in the web of chronic illness. You are an inspiration & you are my friend. Much Love, Louise

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear friend,
      The most beautiful words ever and such a reminder that I have the pure joy of having found the world’s best and most genuine people. As we lean on each other, our pain lessens as we can share it amongst us all that want to be in it together. Connection is a beautiful thing and so are you.
      Love
      Lizzie

      Like

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