(Just having fun taking pictures in my new home!)
I can’t be more blunt than my life has been seriously sucking lately. No matter how hard I work to live well and content, it seems something horrible is always around the corner.
Then today happened. I was just entering the process of buying a house a month ago when I ended up in the emergency room and then having emergency back surgery. Today, I received the keys to my new house.
I realized with the help of several friends that I have had some pretty horrendous things happen to me, but I always get repaid a million times over. Back surgery hurts, losing my independence has been nasty, not being able to see my son is totally devastating, but people have come together around me. This house didn’t happen all by itself. The acquisition and subsequent move that will be happening in a couple days has all been because others are holding me up.
The horror I know turns into amazing beauty and I must remember that it happens every time. It may not be on my timeline or exactly how I want it, and it’s definitely going to hurt like hell while it’s happening, but eventually I come out of the darkness into intense light. Today was one of those beautiful days. Knowing I have a home that is perfect for me and affordable and safe is incredible. I also know that only love and peace will be inside. I will make sure of it.
I never had a totally safe place to call my own, and now I do. For a trauma survivor, this may be the biggest victory of all. I get to choose who comes in my house. I get to choose what happens in my safe space. Today I choose for it to be a home filled with love and safety, and I choose it forever.
Have you ever noticed that after you go through a personal storm that the clouds part and life becomes ok again? I hope so, and if you haven’t noticed, think on it. Recognizing the bad AND good in my life is incredibly healing. Validating and acknowledging within myself that there is both, and I can have a range of feelings about so many things at once will absolutely pull you out of that cycle of trauma.
Life’s not easy, but it’s not all horrible either.