Loneliness Part 2

I’ve explored loneliness before and how it’s kind of becoming the American condition at least. I’m lonely. I don’t have people and it was made VERY clear today.

I have been sick for the past two days. Not just my usual symptoms, but extremely sick. Yesterday I couldn’t move and couldn’t speak for hours. My brain was still working, but the words wouldn’t come out right. I was too weak to even get a glass of water.

Today, when I could muster the energy, I was crawling to the bathroom and even laying on the floor to take a break as I had debilitating fatigue and dizziness. It’s happened before, but never for 2 continuous days. Even as I write this, I still have no strength to get up, but I was just so struck by how alone I am and wanted to share as I know I’m not the only one.

So one person texted (thank goodness) and my case manager called after literally begging her to. I posted on Facebook that I was really sick thinking someone else would actually call or care or something? You want to know who came over to help? NO ONE!! One text and one call from my case manager.

I never go public when I’m so sick I can’t even get a glass of water, but I thought I should start. I think I paint an overly rosy view of how well I am and how easy it is.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, I just hate the feeling that no one cares. I hate the feeling that no one offered to at least bring me water (well the person that texted asked if I needed something earlier, but I was too weak and cognitively messed up to figure it out). I just can’t believe I can put out on a public platform how sick I am and no one cares.

I’m used to doing it alone. I’ve done it alone my whole life. I’m independent. I take care of myself. I’m just tired of living that way. I NEED people, especially now. I was supposed to have an outpatient surgical medical procedure and can’t even do that as there’s NO ONE who has the time to stay with me all day.

I don’t think I’m a horrible person so that’s why I’m alone. I think I’m a lost person who never learned to attach and navigating attachment as a 42 year old woman is confusing and impossible.

If anyone has any insight on how you make AND keep connections, please let me know. I seem to be absolutely failing in that area and would love advice from other trauma survivors on how you found friends, love, or anyone who has consistently stayed in your life.

Remember, you can remain anonymous in commenting. But PLEASE give me your insights. I’m dying from loneliness and just want a friend.

If you’re interested in finding me on Facebook, search “Jennifer Lizzie”, but also please message me that you know me from the blog as I don’t friend people randomly. I’m obviously way more honest here, but just putting it out there!

Help

Lizzie

4 thoughts on “Loneliness Part 2”

  1. Lizzie, I wasnt as nad as you, I did manage to walk to the bathrm & drink 2 glasses of water…. but I was down in my own hole, consummed & fighting against my own misery. I did think of you… just too weak to reach out & text.
    Other people we know are busy with their own very real problems. But I lnow what you mean … how is it that some are really alone in need & society even hasn’t organized a way to discover & care…, ?

    Like

  2. I am so scared to cross from my anonymous blog to Facebook in any way. I’ve already had Facebook recommend I “friend” those who contribute to my trauma history. I don’t want that algorithm to have any additional ways of connecting my real name to my blog. To much active b.s. still to fear. But, hugs and a virtual glass of water here, at least.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We all have to make our own decisions about Facebook. Mine is all public anyway and I’ve blocked all those that significantly contributed to my trauma and always have the ability to block more! So much of our lives is so public even just via google. I’m trying to build a name so that when I publish my book it will, hopefully, make enough money so I can start a foundation to help trauma survivors pay for treatment. It’s a big goal, but necessary for all of use without money to pay for resources. I definitely respect your wanting to be private!
      Love
      Lizzie

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s