Happy Valentine’s Day… I Guess

(Hoping my spoonie readers appreciate this one. It’s the most happy and loving I can muster today)

Last year, this day made me happy. My son was living with me, I was staying with a family that I thought I would get to call mine, I was a whole lot healthier, and had just begun on my new quest engaging in self love ad authenticity.

This year, I received a really bad kidney infection, a possible kidney stone(s), no call from my son (not his fault, he’s hanging out with family that aren’t necessarily in my camp), and 2 spam happy Valentine’s Day messages on Facebook messenger.

I had this beautiful plan to paint Valentine’s for a couple significant people in my life, but instead I’m lying here in horrible pain and fatigue and feeling a lot of disappointment that I’ve had to stop the treatment I was doing to try and recover a bit as it causes kidney stones. Also mad that I’m not painting Valentine’s, like really mad about that!!

Do you ever wonder when all the difficulties will ever stop? I do for sure. I get everyone suffers as it’s the human condition, blah blah blah, but I feel like I’m ready for steadiness and some simplicity.

I’m not a simple person. If you read my post, #toomuch that’s who I am and that’s my life.

It’s not that I’m overly or pathologically depressed, but I feel my sadness is warranted on a day that’s supposed to be full of love and definitely not feeling the love.

Anyone else having a similarly hard time with this holiday? I’m sure someone is, but for those of you getting to celebrate today, definitely enjoy. True love is hard to come by whether it be a friend or partner.

In pain and sadness and always love,


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