I’m Really Trying

I’ve had some beautiful pieces of synchronicity happen in my life lately. A friend sent a friend to help out for a few days. She was more here to help me look at past “wounds” and think more about my spiritual path. I will admit that we didn’t interact a whole lot, but when we did, she gave me a lot to reflect on and continue to work on within myself.

I also like that she physically pushed me. We took pretty long walks in nature, and that’s something I haven’t done in so long as by the time I walk, I’m too tired to drive home. I also fall over a lot! So it was nice to have a driver that pushed me to be in nature, which is incredibly healing for anyone, but especially for someone who just spent a couple weeks in the hospital and is generally holed up in the house. My only interface with nature has been my backyard, which I’m grateful for, but new places and new sites imprint on the brain in exciting ways so I have something new to visualize when I’m paralyzed in my bed.

I know when you are dealing with your trauma, it can become especially hard to be isolated and get stuck there. I was that way, and now that I’m dealing with chronic illnesses, I’m stuck there again. Instead of just lying there wishing the misery would end as I did when my trauma and anxiety plagued me so terribly, I’m trying really hard to reach out.

A lot of what I have to do is online, but I am making new online friends who are lifelines for me. Some check on me more. I tend to check on others more, but friendships are forming, and I hope to be well enough someday to hug them all in person someday.

I’ve spent years, even in recent times (today even) where I get stuck in that rut that no one cares. We get lost in that cognitive distortion that if no one reaches out to us, no one must care. I get stuck in it often, but if I reach out, I find people want to be part of a community of friends. We may all feel alone, but I don’t think anyone ever truly wants to be alone. I’m also realizing that people think about me even though I may never realize it.

Push yourself today to reach out. Push yourself to contact someone, whether it be an online friend or someone you know in person. I guarantee you’ll feel less alone and may even find yourself feeling cared for or even smiling a genuine smile. It’s important. If you have no one, reach out to me. I love meeting new people, especially ones who deal with hard stuff. I get it. Trust me.



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