The theme of, it being ok not to be ok, keeps showing up in my life these past few days. I realize this and know huge tears of sadness and despair are often followed by moments of calm or new appreciation for something once missed.
I have had the absolute honor of meeting some extremely strong women lately. They are absolutely solid, yet huge difficulties are arising in their lives. The ones that have given me the honor of honesty will look at me and say, “Lizzie, who do I go to when I need to express that I’m about to fall apart?” I always reply, “you come to me”.
It’s not like I’m so strong that I can lift up people constantly. It gives me space to not feel like I’m whining when I fall from a broken, loaner wheelchair and can’t move for days and am engaging in “why me???” Other people crying makes gives me validation that I’m not crazy.
The worst thing you can ever tell someone who is looked to as strong is, “you’re strong”. I want to know someone can hold space for me if I need to sob about the unfairness of situations while celebrating that I always can get back to gratitude and knowing it will be ok and will probably fall back to despair again. I and these couple other women who have touched me these past couple days just need to feel.
I know that things can feel especially intense when you have serious trauma. “Holding space” as I’ve heard it called is so important for each other. It’s not depression. It’s normal human emotion.
I love connection and why I chose to stop looking at Facebook today to try to look for something more real. Remember that I’m not depressed. I’m just having a hard time. (Which happens to be totally normal given the circumstances!!)