No worries in that this post isn’t an endorsement of yoga, but about pushing yourself to adapt.
I spent nearly half of March and April in the hospital. My list of physical health diagnoses is dizzying and has felt entirely hopeless. The last time I left the hospital, I left knowing I will be using mobility aids and some even more renewed hopelessness!
Hopeless is not who I am!
I recognize there isn’t a miracle cure, which had me stopped. There’s no cure for PTSD either, but I’m managing that pretty well these days.
With this knowledge, I decided the best way to jump back into life was exercise. I signed up at my local community center for 3 months of lap swimming. After 4 days, I ended up with hives all over my face, a swollen tongue, and tingling lips. Bummer, it was a good run.
I’m back into the “why me” mindset. Another light bulb went off, and armed with my new epipen, I went to a dance class that was designed to be for pure fun! The able bodied dance community shot me some pretty nasty stares as I was having fun, but I left feeling embarrassed and then foolish (although I picked up the choreography even with forearm crutches better than most)!
I’m back in my house again feeling that sinking feeling of why do I even bother trying.
I ended up coming across an inyegar yoga class locally. This yoga is designed to be all about alignment and useful for chronic pain. Even though I was feeling defeated, I went anyway. I felt great! The teacher had me doing things with my body I couldn’t have done when I was a super yogi with a perfectly functioning body. I signed up for a series.
The key was adaptation. I won’t be cured of any of my physical health problems. It’s not the nature of what I have. What I do have is the validation of several diagnoses with a couple incredible doctors who seem to fight for me in moments when I give up, and the hope that I will live a decent life based on adapting.
If I focus on what I can’t do, I miss out on the opportunity to experience what I can do.
I’m still grieving a lot and living in a world of people (friends and family) who have kind of forgotten I’ve existed and don’t make an attempt to understand is hard, but I am adapting to that too. With careful monitoring of my energy input and output, I’m going to get going in ways that are different.
Now to tackle a mountain of medical bills that I refuse to adapt to!!