So many Mother’s Day have meant huge sorrow for me. I was always mad at myself for having a mom who hated me and taught me to hate myself even more.
When you stay lost in hating yourself, you forget to see what is around you that is positive. I’ve been working hard at smashing the expectations of being a failure, stupid, an attention seeker, worthless, unlovable…behind. It’s not just her I learned those things from, it’s other family members too.
I’ve been pretty sick for over 3 years physically. I was diagnosed with transverse myelitis in 2016. This past year I was diagnosed with chronic Epstein Barr virus, celiac disease, chronic inflammation, oxidative stress, had surgery on my back as my degenerative disc disease has been so bad. Tomorrow I go to the doctor to address whatever the masses are throughout my lungs and lymph nodes.
Today was Mother’s Day. I have a son who is 12. The worst part about being physically ill is rarely seeing him and not being able to do anything with him. I promised him a picnic and outside time for the day. Unlike my own mom, I was going to put his needs first.
Waking up this morning, I was tired, my throat hurt, and I was still in pain from yoga 3 days ago. I stayed in bed until noon and decided today was one of those days I had to.
My son and I got to our picnic spot, enjoyed lunch by a creek with our dogs, and then my little guy wanted to move.
I took the beliefs put on me by my mom about being a failure and weak and unlovable and started to move. My son was so happy that he took the video here. You can hear him cheering me on. I didn’t fail today. I was strong and loved. I WAS the mom I always wanted.
Are you feeling bad things about yourself? Chances are someone planted those ideas in your head. Take it from a failure that no one would ever love!