When I first started working on my trauma over 20 years ago, I would get horrible flashbacks and curl into tiny balls. My therapist always remarked back then that I could make myself impossibly tiny.
It’s quite strange that I turn into little balls these days as a way to grow stronger physically. I am now addicted to inyegar yoga, which is in simplicity, a yoga that uses props and adaptation so even people with chronic pain and mobility issues can become accomplished yogis.
I’ve dabbled in yoga at various gyms over the years. It seemed more torturous than anything, so I never stuck to it for long and also didn’t understand that listening to my body was key. It made me feel calm, but I never understood what was the true attraction.
As my physical abilities diminished, I started to study more of the foundations of yoga, which for me were about meditation and calming the body. From there, I pushed into some basic daily stretching to help manage my neuropathy and musculoskeletal pain.
A couple weeks ago, I ended up in an inyegar class as I was ready to venture out and was feeling stronger. I instantly fell in love. No one minded that I showed up with a mobility device or got a look of concern that I would hurt myself. I got a warm welcome, some basic health history questions, and the feeling of belonging.
So today I was curled up in a little ball that felt so good on my body. Instead of cowering from fear, I was reflecting on how strong I am. I love yoga for me as it perfectly represents the strength I still have physically that I use to carry myself through other aspects of my life.
I don’t say you have to try yoga, but the past couple weeks as I have truly put together the mind, body, and spirit aspects of it. I appreciate in a whole new way what it’s about. It’s not a physical exercise. It’s a total spirit renewal and push to be better.
What is something you can do to gently push yourself? Change comes from getting out of your comfort zone. Strangely, this tiny ball was all about comfort!