I never thought I would be still blogging a year later, but today my WordPress account was renewed for another year.
My blog has been fairly successful. I’ve had thousands of people visit, a few faithful followers and plenty of the most beautiful, personal emails sent my direction from people who wanted to “talk” to me without publicly posting a comment.
It’s been quite a year for me personally too. I started my blog to talk about authenticity and the struggle when you’ve had complex developmental trauma. It’s turned into a lot more for me. This blog has been my therapy, especially as I’ve greatly shied away from traditional psychotherapy. This has been my place to vent, but more importantly, a place to share how good it can be when it all seems beyond impossible.
A year ago, I didn’t know much about what was going on with my health, but along with a couple medical professionals who finally took me seriously to actually help me, I’ve figured a lot of it out and continue on the journey to figure the rest out, or not, and just focus on being better.
I’ve learned a lot. I figured out that being authentic means some people will hate you, but the ones that appreciate it, will lift you up higher and more loving than was previously imaginable.
I’ve figured out what works for me. I’m learning that the less I do, the more I’m able to do. If I take the time to rest (not being lazy as my inner critic wants to yell), I can go out and have small, paced adventures.
Yoga is my thing. I’ve definitely figured that out. Aerobic exercise is not. I can get really strong and fit just by going to class up to 3x a week and a small daily practice at home.
I think the biggest thing I’ve learned this year is that I can’t do this alone, but I also can’t do this with the wrong people. It’s better for me to manage a bit of loneliness sometimes than be surrounded by toxic help. It sure sounds nice for someone to come rescue me, but I know it’s been better for me to have done a lot of it alone. Holding myself up has given me an inner strength and courage that radiates out, or at least that’s what I’ve been told.
It’s absolutely ok to take care of yourself. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to disregard ridiculous things people say about what they perceive about how you live, your illnesses, your symptoms, or their advice. You know your truth, even when everyone else says it’s not.
It’s also ok to be grateful for the little things and stay in it as you navigate the hard times.
I like to set goals for the future. In my New Year of my blog, I’d like to categorize my posts, upload more videos of my talking as some people find it easier, update my bio section, and work on SEO.
Personally, I want to have a book ready for editing by next year, continue to work on my health, and meet some people who have turned into my biggest support.
This picture I took today after committing to yoga about 6 weeks ago. I’ve always had the goal of having good arms. I met that at 43, totally sick, barely moving many days, but felt determined. I know I look too skinny. Now that my gastroparesis was confirmed, I understand why eating has been hard. Like everything, I’m working on it!