Doing Things Alone

Did you ever wish you had that perfect friend or partner who would do things with you that YOU loved? Well, me too.

Unfortunately, my long term relationship ended 10 years ago and sporadic dating hasn’t showed anyone that I’ve been thrilled with.

What I’ve learned through healing from my CPTSD and then being hit with several chronic illnesses, I need and highly enjoy spontaneity. It’s a luxury many can’t afford as people are tied to jobs, children, partners needs, so many responsibilities. I use this time as a gift in my life as on the days I have energy to do more than sedentary activities, I just GO!

I don’t have anyone to go with. My friends are busy, and I have to go when I feel good. A few years ago, I NEVER would have gone hiking alone. I was too scared. I could barely make it to the grocery store without severe anxiety. I’m not sure what I was scared of, but I stayed home and lamented about how much I wanted to hike and many other things, but there was no one to go with.

Saturday, I decided I was going hiking. I didn’t feel particularly well, but I was compelled to don my hiking boots and be among mountain peaks and trees.

There’s no doubt I was nervous as I drove the 45 minutes to the trail I had my sights on. I kept thinking I must be insane to go hiking alone with my disabled body, walk further that I have in Years, and go into the wilderness where I might not see anyone for a bit. My stomach was queasy, but my heart said it was right.

I got to the trail, part of the pacific crest trail specifically, and thought of all my friends suffering from agoraphobia or anxiety that would never allow them to do this. I set my own anxiety aside, thought about how proud my son would be of me and set out one foot and one crutch at a time.

I felt elated, joyous, and youthful as I got deeper into the trees. There was still a lot of snow on the ground, so my walk was cut short. I still did 2 miles round trip.

I know I can go back and finish when the snow melts and the wildflowers prolific. The important part was that I tried something new that felt scary. I pushed all my anxiety aside and had joy instead.

I’m not asking you to go hiking alone, but if your anxiety is keeping you trapped, what can you do to push yourself just a little out of your comfort zone? I promise if you can push through the fear, you will be highly rewarded with feelings of strength and your world will grow.

If you push yourself, no matter how small or big, PLEASE tell me. You can anonymously comment or send an email.

Happy pushing through. Love


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