No matter what happens, it can be hard to appreciate who you are and what you contribute to this world. Have you found it hard to accept a compliment? I used to. Now I embrace them as I realize compliments are gifts others give me and the people who give them aren’t ones to lie or just say things to say things.
In 18 months of being really ill, I got to know myself. It first started out as just being hateful it happened to me, then I rode a roller coaster of thinking I’d be cured to feeling like I was imminently dying. I then became overwhelmed with how lucky I was to have time alone to accept what was happening and have time to do what I wanted to do. On my better days, I was free, no longer a slave to a job. On my bad days, I could write or read a little or do nothing but heal.
I’m grateful to say as I emerge from the worst of it, I have come out a stronger person full of self love that I never would have gotten to experience had I not become ill. I’d still be a slave to a job I loved, but also stressed me out just to have things and appear “happy”. My trauma made me a happy phony.
It’s not that I’m physically a whole lot better. In fact, I have my days… I have learned to adapt my life to my disabilities. I’m writing for paid work and selling my art. It’s starting slow, but isn’t that how all dreams happen? (Well unless you win the lottery I suppose.). Dreams and goals happen slowly with dedication and hard work. Sometimes a goal seems unattainable as mine did a year ago, but as I continue to actually dedicate daily time to them, it works. I know I have to work at it when I feel good, not necessarily my best, but just try.
Probably the best part is that I let go that I could do everything perfectly. Would I like to have sold more art already? Sure. Would I like to have been accepted for another freelance writing position I applied for yesterday? Definitely, but I wasn’t, but the employer also told me to submit my blog for a more public presentation and that they would save my resume. So it didn’t work out perfectly, but maybe it did. I’m a huge believer that things work out as they should. Once I gave up getting wrapped up about the outcome i thought should happen, my anxiety left me. It happens how it happens. It is what it is.
So I did this art piece last night as I personally needed some inspiration for myself. I’m no “artiste”, but it’s my joy to do it. I hope it sells soon as I would love to pay my water bill this month! If anyone is interested, shoot me an email. I can also make poster quality prints.
I hope when you look in the mirror as the woman in my art is that you see you are love. You are! Especially people who have been through difficult times and work to better themselves are the most love and light I know. It doesn’t matter if you are in the throes of self hatred, depression, making bad mistakes, emerging into the light, or regularly experiencing joy, we are all love.