I Am Not Nor Will I Ever Be a Failure

Perhaps if you grew up with an unsupportive family system, you grew up feeling like a total and complete failure no matter how hard you try. I certainly have.

I landed a freelance writing contract a few weeks ago that I was excited about a future of making some money I desperately needed. Unfortunately, when the contract came, my symptoms grew so much worse. How do you explain that to a brand new boss?

At the same time my symptoms got worse, I had a successful fundraiser to get my wheelchair, so my good moments were spent negotiating that.

Last Monday, I had another CT scan showing enlarged lymph nodes again over the course of several months. Enlarged lymph node anything freaks me out with my family history.

With all this craziness going on, the doctor telling me I’m having surgery on my lymph nodes next week and this week I’m spending my days at the outpatient infusion center for IVIG, I didn’t finish the writing contract.

All of my friends are like, “Lizzie, give it up. You have SO much going on”. I have that nagging voice in the back of my head that I’m a failure for not getting it done on time. It’s called my inner critic. It’s hard as I’m super reliable, but all these illnesses are ruining my track record.

So tomorrow I plan to write the publisher an honest message about what happened and offer to finish the contract free of charge as I prefer to stay in my integrity.

It’s been a rough several weeks, but as always I’m looking for what’s going well while being real about what hasn’t.

IVIG infusions give me several hours a day this week to just focus on me. I get to give others information about this miracle treatment, and the following week, I’m meeting a friend of a friend who wants me to write his story.

So perhaps I failed at my freelance writing contract, but I recognize how important it is to write my own book and the stories of others as listening to people fascinates me.

If you have any questions about IVIG therapy and my journey to get here, send a message or email. This was day 1 of 5.



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