I’m on Day 3 of my IVIG infusions. IVIG gives you the healthy Ig cells that come from between 10,000-15,000 blood donors. It basically gives your immune system a huge kick to just boost you up so that whatever crazy stuff your body is doing to make you sick, it will stop or get a break. It helps with anything from cancer, to immune compromised patients, to severe autoimmune disease, to neurological problems. I seem to be fitting all the bill.
These past few weeks, I’ve felt awful. I think the worst place has been how alone I’ve felt. Plenty of people with serious illnesses talk about people leaving them as people become suddenly very busy once you’re sick. Where someone may have once had time for you, now they don’t. I realize that unless you have been through something very serious or are just extremely compassionate, watching a friend deteriorate may be too much. I just get sad as that despite my body deteriorating, I have become a much stronger and more interesting person.
Nonetheless, these treatments have been HARD on me. Yesterday, I spent the day in bed with a migraine type headache and severe nausea as side effects. I felt alone as I don’t have the luxury of having anyone with the time to just stop by and hold my hand for a bit.
I decided to dig deep. I did a sort of meditation or visualization of all these healthy Ig cells going into my body attacking and replacing my unhealthy cells to get me back to a place of wellness where I can enjoy life again. It was a powerful visual and keep going back to it often in my mind. Health is a combination of mind/body/spirit after all.
I also dug deep that despite feeling so miserable, I woke up this morning with slightly more “pep in my step” and a determination to just keep on.
As I drove the 30 miles to the infusion center, I noticed the perfect early morning temperature you get in the mountains in the that I often miss due to being sick. I recognized that the sun was shining brightly and the mountain tops looked particularly beautiful against the backdrop of brilliant blue sky. I recognized that everything in that moment was perfectly ok.
I think when we get lost in the hustle and bustle of life, we forget to take a minute to notice that the current moment is wonderful. The big picture may be bleak, uncertain, and overwhelmingly daunting, but the moment is exactly as it should.
As you go about your day, notice the seconds where it’s really ok. As my IVIG pumps into my arm right now, I recognize that it is ok. I have a warm blanket on my lap, a caring nurse checking on me, and I’m grateful to just be.