Overwhelming Amount of Stuff, but You Just Have to Keep Moving Forward

Sometimes life gets flat out overwhelming, for anyone. With having all my chronic health issues and now dealing with parental alienation, it’s been rough.

I’m doing my best to distract myself from the pain of never talking to or seeing my son, but every now and then, well nearly daily, I get in a good gut wrenching cry. My best advice if you have been subjected to parental alienation, Is to keep a journal for your child. No finger pointing, just talking about things I’m doing, reminders of some great memories we have had, and just that I generally love and miss him.

I’m also fact gathering from people who have had this experience and how they have handled it. The best thing to do is reach out for help.

I completed a 201 page book contract. Just when I think I’m done with my edits, I get another one sent my way. I keep pressing forward with it as I did write 201 pages! Even if I don’t get offered another contract with them, it showed me that I can do the impossible when facing huge health challenges and every computer problem that could have ever gone wrong. It has been a good lesson in frustration tolerance and using my best grounding skills to get through it without losing my mind completely.

The best possible thing that has happened lately is that I joined a local wheelchair basketball league. I had no clue what wheelchair basketball really was. I guess I kind of pictured a nursing home sport. Boy was I wrong. It’s like full impact, smash into each other as hard as you can with as much force as you can. I kept playing gently. My teammates kept yelling at me to hit the opponent harder. I finally did a full crash and got a “that’s the way you do it Lizzie!”

As someone who has always had a hard time expressing anger as I’ve never been allowed, the rage and aggression you can release by crashing into people appropriately felt like a high. I told my team the second practice that I was on an aggression high after the first practice. One of the other guys said, “it’s why we play this sport. It gives us a place to get out our rage and anger out about navigating regular life”. Navigating life is hard, throw in some physical disability and the fact that anger has never been something that was safe, I’m addicted.

I sprained my finger the first practice. I broke my thumbnail and it turned purple the second practice. The above picture is from minutes after I broke my thumbnail, the ball smashed me so hard in the nose, I was seeing stars. Despite the injuries, I’m definitely going back next week.

I don’t know if anger is a problem for you, but finding a way to release it in a positive way has given me a lot of sanity these past couple weeks despite some pretty insane things happening.

I hope if anger is a problem, you can find a way to release it. I’ve tried angry writing, lots of crying, but nothing gave me that physical release of a lifetime of unfairness. Injuries and all, I’m enjoying a new way to be angry, appropriately, and with support. There’s also nothing like being part of a team. We don’t talk about being inspiring or our challenges, we just go to play to have fun. I also needed to find a way to just be fun and free spirited without thinking huge thoughts or having to find meaning in everything.

The last graphic is about parental alienation. While it’s not 100% all true of my situation, the fact is I’ve been blocked from my son, and it isn’t fair.

I stay peaceful with it knowing he’s watched me do the impossible the past few months and has seen the strength in healing from so much. I’m not just deciding he learned this, he told me over and over how proud he was of me and that I was “Wonder Woman” to him.

He has a beautiful heart. I’m reminding him of it daily as I write my journal to him reminding him of what a beautiful soul and amazing being he is. Definitely a lot of sadness as I miss him.

The best I can do is continue to live a full life as I know he would be proud of that too.

So find ways to get out your rage and frustration as life is often totally unfair and wrong. The best we can do is manage it appropriately and get it out.

Wishing you all health and healing as I continue to put one courageous step in front of another.

Love

Lizzie

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