My body has been changing in rapid ways since receiving my mesenchymal stem cell injections derived from donated umbilical cord tissue. I thought I would blog a lot about it. I clearly haven’t!
I have been posting daily updates to my Facebook as things change daily in such strange ways. My Facebook has many people very interested in the stem cell process to heal their own chronic diseases, and it’s quick, which is what I have time and energy for!
It’s been an exciting and frightening process as I haven’t been able to find anyone who has gone through the exact type of stem cell therapy I have for similar disease processes.
I’ll give you a quick rundown of my physical improvements and then talk about this process from more of a childhood trauma survivor.
I’ve had lots of small neurological improvements with not having my hands go numb anymore. I have temperature sensation in my back again. My right foot that has been totally numb for longer than I can remember seems to be “waking up”. Not so much in a painful neuropathy type way. It’s more like I can feel a circulation inside of it of some sort I don’t have the proper words for yet. I also have been very flu like. I shiver a lot, especially at night and alternate between freezing and burning hot with plenty of achiness. I shivered myself right out of bed and fell on the floor. Ouch! My primary care who did this believes it could be a good sign that my body has actually been given the boost it needed to fight the Epstein Barr virus that has a very rare manifestation to decimate some people’s bodies. A really weird one was I got my period and icky cramps for about 3 days. I was put on very high dose hormones only reserved for the worst case scenario for gynecological problems in an attempt to avoid any surgical intervention. That was nearly 2 years ago. I had kind of completely forgotten about periods totally, as I haven’t had one in 22 months, which is pretty funny for any woman. Not sure what that was about as I haven’t heard back yet.
The best is probably that my doggies were happy to wake me up this morning. Dogs have been proven to be excellent at detecting diseases. They have been really subdued lately, ok for a long time. They are happy to see other people, but they usually just stare at me forlornly. I guess they sense some good change.
I will now talk stem cells from a trauma perspective. I freaked out about this process in bigger ways than I have freaked out about anything in a long time the couple days prior to it happening. The anxiety about failing my primary cares expectations for my healing became so huge, I think I forgot all my coping skills and went into “freeze” mode for about a day, which only breeds bad anxiety.
I then remembered to ask for help dealing with the anxiety. Help I got. Lots of love and hope from many and stimulated my memory to do the things that help me.
My second day after my injection, I felt more normal than I had in years. I went to yoga and 3 stores. I still used my wheelchair, but the fact that I could be out and active for 6 hours was miraculous until…
I got home. I again began to have anxiety. As a chronically ill or acutely I’ll person, all you dream of is getting well. It’s all I’ve dreamt of and the goals I would achieve if I ever had the chance. All of a sudden, I was stricken with panic. Being sick for years is NOT easy, but there is a certain amount of ease to it once you take away all the physical misery. It boils down to the fact that no one expects much from you. No one is calling me to make big commitments. When I have a good day, I can spend it how I want. I have to basically be responsible for myself and definitely work at cultivating the friendships I choose, but that’s about it. I mean I live alone, which makes things difficult, but I’m only responsible for myself and two pups.
So all of a sudden, I felt weighed down with the idea of my own expectations and those people would put on me. I nearly started panicking. Instead, I wrote down everything that was causing me anxiety. I was calm again after doing a couple rounds of yoga breathing.
My biggest revelation is that I’m not the same person I was before. If I am given the miracle of health to begin making my goals happen, I’m going into it as a much more insightful and emotionally whole person. I will also be going into it with physical health, which is something I haven’t ever consistently experienced. I believe as well as many of medical professionals that my “depression” was a lot more than just that. Of course trauma causes issues like depression that I certainly needed to work through, but despite being diagnosed with some significant health issues in my late teens, it was always with a bit of a dismissive hand, or maybe it was my perception as being dismissed is my go to as how I had been treated for a long time. Thank you hard emotional work to get over that one!!
The other thing is that healing is a process. It’s not like I have to save the world this afternoon. That can happen next year 😉.
So after years of wishing I would just feel well, substantial gains are within reach in the next few months, which gives me plenty of time to focus on healing, continue to cultivate healthy and loving friendships, make a list of what I truly want to do, begin working on it as I can, and NEVER stop the gift of a self care plan that has been beyond wonderful for me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
The best we can do is keep out of the future and stay in the here and now. And now, I want to take a nap as I’m exhausted, but a good friend is having an open house for her book release. It’s not everyday someone you know well publishes a book and no matter what, I’m getting there as a showered and clean me!
Stay out of the future. Remain in what is happening today. It’s the best anxiety cure and grateful to truly be embracing it.